The 6 Types of Nursery Mum

The 6 Types of Nursery Mum

It was parents evening at Poppy’s nursery the other day.

Mr UFM stayed at home with the kids while I ran up the road to make my 8pm appointment (Why am I always late!?)

Now I generally like to think of myself as an extrovert but the minute I walked through the door and saw all the Mums and Dads chatting I somehow reverted to being a somewhat awkward school girl. What were they talking about? How did they all know each other? Why wasn’t I part of their gang? Would they notice the baby sick on my jumper?

The head of the nursery kindly offered me a glass of wine (how posh is that?) which I sipped/glugged at gratefully. I also started doing that thing that Bridget Jones does at the book launch when she joins in a conversation with Salman Rushdie and laughs/makes ridiculous comments whilst having no sodding clue what is actually going on

As I nodded my head and smiled at random conversations, I couldn’t help but notice that there were some very defined types of nursery Mum in the room:

  1. Eager Mum (me): desperate to join in the conversation and get to know the other mums but manages to stand around looking a bit awkward. Nods along to conversations whilst having no idea what is being talked about. Liable to get tipsy on free wine.
  2. Popular Mum (not me): She has three kids at the nursery and another who has got into the very best local school and is doing brilliantly. She looks amazing in her designer joggers and bright pink lippie. All the other mums greet her/ hug her/ want to be her.
  3. Knackered Mum (Me a few months ago): She has a new baby and a crazy toddler and hasn’t slept for a fortnight. Her boobs are leaking and if another Mum approaches her she might cry.
  4. Loved up Mum: She is here with her other half. They can’t wait to hear how little Jonny has been doing at nursery. They chat in a private corner and clink their glasses of free wine. This is the first time they’ve been out alone in ages.
  5. Neurotic Mum (Yup…me as well): She corners the head of the nursery to check that Olivia is doing OK. Is she talking as well as she should be? Which is the best local school in the area? What are the chances of her getting in? etc etc etc
  6. Power Mum: Fresh from the City in her Armani trouser suit, this Mum has no time for tittle tattle. She breezes in wafting perfume and power, is fast tracked to her appointment and then has left the building before eager Mum has a chance to smile at her.

Oh, I also saw a girl I actually did go to school with. She was definitely in the popular Mum category. She gave me a warm smile and a wave and I felt all fuzzy inside. (Actually that was probably the wine!)

UFM xx


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