I’ve got some great news. I’m pregnant! This means that in precisely five months I’m going to be going on maternity leave. I’m not sure how long I’d like to take but in a perfect world, a year would be good.
Before I do that though, there are a few things that I need to tell you.
Firstly, I want to remind you how long it has taken me to get to this point in my career. I have spent years working my proverbial off, climbing the ladder and fighting the competition. I always have been and remain fiercely ambitious so just because I’m having a baby don’t think that I’m any less passionate about my job. I’m just taking a bit of time out to bring a new person into the world.
I also want you to know that by this time next year I’m going to be infinitely more employable than I already am (if that’s possible). I will have survived the challenge of childbirth, held down a 24 hour job on little or no sleep, mastered a whole host of new skills with little guidance and will be a specialist in time management. I will be able to demonstrate loyalty, people management skills and am about to get a hell of a lot wiser.
So, dear boss, please when I tell you that I’m pregnant can you feel excited not only for me but for yourself and the company because I’m about to go on the ultimate training course and you don’t have to do anything apart from wait in anticipation for my return.
So, no funny business, no getting too pally with my maternity cover and no sudden job description changes. Oh and if I sometimes need to leave early when I return or ask for a four day week then bear in mind how lucky you are to have a Mum on your team. We know our shit… Literally!
Looking forward to a promotion on my return
Your loyal employee
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