It’s been a while but I’m finally back and ready to write again. Thanks for all your messages checking up on me…you’re so lovely.

I promised to explain why I haven’t written in so long so here goes….

Just after Christmas I realised that things weren’t quite right. I wasn’t feeling happy and had far less energy than usual. I also had a feeling of dread when I was alone with the children. None of this felt too dramatic at the time. I was carrying on as usual and basically trying to suppress any bad feelings.

Then when Mr UFM went back to work I had a particularly awful day. Louis had been crying non-stop all afternoon and nothing I did seemed to settle him and Poppy was overtired having given up her nap. I had a splitting headache and was feeling pretty low. Then, out of the blue I had a terrible panic attack. I felt like I couldn’t breathe and just needed to escape, which of course isn’t possible when you have two children in your charge.

I managed to calm myself down with the help of my gorgeous Poppy who stroked my face and asked if I was OK. That was a moment I will never forget. Finally, Mr UFM came home from work and I hid in our bedroom, shaking and crying. I felt terrible. Something just wasn’t right.

Following the panic attack, I felt like I was living under a black cloud. I had never experienced anything like it. Nothing could lift my mood. I just wanted to hide in bed every morning. I was also absolutely petrified of being alone with the children in case another panic attack hit. “Do you think it might be Post Natal Depression?” asked Mr UFM. Yes, I was almost certain it was.

The next day I made a Drs appointment and my road to recovery began. I talked through how I had been feeling and as well as giving me great advice the Dr referred me for a blood test as she wanted to check my thyroid levels. Well it turns out that my thyroid was all over the shop and was underactive which she reckoned explained why I had been feeling so hideous. I was immediately put on medication and am now back to being my old self again. I can’t tell you how relieved I am.

I am SO glad that I sought help when I did. There is so much support out there and if you too are feeling depressed then please please see someone. Whether it’s PND, thyroid problems or just plain exhaustion there are people out there who can help you feel better.

So there you go….one of the downs on a journey that is also full of ups. And as baby Louis is getting older there are definitely more and more of those (the ups).

I’ll write very soon. I’ve missed you all.

UFM xx

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